This is the first album by the pop/folk band that only a mother could love. Recorded during the hot Canadian summer of 1999 and released during the cold winters months of 2000, "Bars, Kars & Vars" was the only thing that kept Pappy & Mick out of jail. It proved to be a hit with a number of radio stations throughout the country, particularly in Halifax (CKDU) and Calgary (CJSW), where it went to #7 on the charts. Here is a primer for the album that began it all...
1. SATURDAY NIGHT UP THE GATINEAU (Mac
Beattie)
Pappy sings this uptempo tribute to the universal appeal of the weekend.
2. PIECE OF PAPER (Kern)
Mick warbles his way through this caustic look at the sports-obsessed male
species (Mick included)...despite rumours to the contrary, this sons is not
based on one of Mick's past relationships...he hopes. Fine backing vocals
by Pappy & Larisa.
3. IT'S WAYNER (Morris-Kern)
With lyrics penned by Mick and a catchy tune spun by Pappy, the Moose take
a controversial look at Canada's advertising icon, Wayne Gretzky...sweetly sung
(and whistled) by Pappy.
4. TANGERINE (Jimmy Page)
Despite being constantly threatened by lunkhead Led Zeppelin fans while
attending high school in suburban Ottawa, Mick sees fit to tackle this gorgeous
Jimmy Page number from Zeppelin III...Larisa chips in with suitably ethereal
backing vocals while Sara completes this tour-de-force with her distinctive
guitar stylings.
5. EVERYBODY'S GOING TO HELL (Kern)
This quasi-religious rant says it all...you are going to hell buddy...Pappy &
Carol add backing vocals and hand claps.
6. THE PARIS CREW (Morris)
Pappy sing this reverential number about the Saint John, New Brunswick team
that stormed the rowing world back in the early days of Confederation.
Michael Cavanagh checks in on bass while Mick attempts some backing vocals.
7. DANA'S HANDS (Kern)
This former star of "Different Strokes" tragically took her own life...Dana was
one of Pappy's favourite TV babes, so this song was written with that in mind...
Mick hated "Different Strokes", much preferring Mallory from
"Family Ties"...
Laura contributes backing vocals.
8. KING TRAPPER (Kern)
Larisa sings this fast-stepping number about Ralph Bice, the trapper of
Algonquin Park. Bice passed away in the late 1990's, but not before creating
an indelible legend. All details (well, except for the long underwear part)
are
actual events from the life of Mr. Bice. "Will There Be Any Stars In My
Crown" was the song Ralph's grand-daughter sang at his funeral.
9. THE LEGEND OF CHICKENHEAD (Kern)
A song inspired by some friend of Larisa's. Also inspired by Chickenman The
Superhero. Also inspired by Lipton's Chicken Noodle Soup. Also
inspired
by the plight of the unique everywhere. Kids love this song, so I'm told.
10.ENGINE 116 (Morris-Kern)
The most misunderstood songs on this album. What exactly the hell are you
two crowin' about? Engine 116 is the long lost engine from the Avro Arrow.
It was recently discovered (in pieces) in England. But who cares; just enjoy
the good-time music and square dance to Pappy rapping about Diefenbaker
and the tragedy of the Arrow. Dedicated to Elwy Yost.
photos (C) Toronto Star
11.QUEEN OF THE LAKES (Kern)
A snippet of what was intended to be an entire opus about the fire aboard the
cruise ship Noronic on September 17th, 1949. With 119 passengers dying, it
still ranks as Toronto's greatest disaster. This song takes
the perspective of
two young American sisters who survived the blaze (a true
story). Dig the piano!
12.THE LAST TIME (Richelle Wilcox)
A country-styled love song written by Richelle. Originally intended to be
performed by Square Rigger, it never made it out of the practise space
Richelle left the band for a three-month long rave. Unable to contact Ms.
Wilcox during the recording of this album, Mick assumes the lead vocals,
but you really need to hear this sung by Richelle. Pappy adds his two cents
on vocals, Michael lays down the bass while Sara returns with a ripping solo.
13.TRAIN WRECK AT ALMONTE (Mac Beattie)
Back when Square Rigger was still going by the (better) name of the Laura
C-Chords, Pappy chose this as one of the first songs the band performed.
Based on a true disaster back during World War Two, this Ottawa Valley
song chugs along with an earnest Pappy vocal and the infamous banjo
"olo"
by Mick (note, that is "olo", not "solo"). Carol adds
the distinctive background
sounds of passengers and the conductor.
14.NEXT TIME I'M TAKING THE BUS (Kern)
A song all about the perception of being trapped, it was inspired by Mick travelling
to St. Catharines, Ontario to watch the St. Catharines Stompers single-A
baseball
team in the the New York-Penn League and getting stuck for seemingly
hours at
the deserted bus depot. Larisa appears again with suitably restrained
vocals while
Pappy adds one of his trademarked solos. Sadly, the Stompers
got on that bus
and left town for Queens, New York.
photo (C) Toronto Star
15.BOYD GANG RIDES AGAIN (Kern)
The type of song that the CBC should be clamouring for. Based on the true story
of Edwin Alonzo Boyd, Toronto's notorious leader of the so-called Boyd Gang that
robbed banks and made headlines in post-World War Two Hogtown. Except for
the bus (he actually piloted a TTC streetcar), everything else actually took
place.
This is the same version that is available on the Square Rigger 9-song E.P. that
is
now going for over $100 Cdn. on E-Bay. Watch the movie with Gordon Pinsent.
Who said Canadians don't have their own history????
16.ONE MORE NIGHT IN YOUR ARMS (Kern)
Laura steps up to the plate and hits a home-run with this heartbreaking country song
originally performed by the Ottawa duo Porcelain Owl way back in 1988 on the
"Eat At Zorba" album currently fetching over $150 on E-Bay. Mick
supplies the
John Doe vocal accompaniment while Pappy adds yet another tasty solo. And
yes,
this song is indeed based on a true event.
photo (C) 2001 Saturday Night Magazine
17.TIP OF THE HAT - BALLAD OF STUBBY CLAPP (Morris-Kern)
The song that was mentioned in the late lamented "Saturday Night" magazine.
A
tribute to the hitting exploits of Team Canada's Stubby Clapp at the 1999 Pan Am
Games held in Winnipeg. With the Americans all but assured a win, Clapp
popped
up, but the Yanks booted the ball and Ernie Whitt's plucky Canucks rallied to
win...
later defeating powerhouse Cuba as well. Stubby would go on to play for the
St.
Louis Cardinals (N.L.) during the 2001 season. Lyrics by both Mick and Pappy
with
the tune supplied by Mr. Morris. Mick's personal favourite
from the album. Note:
"Take Me Out To The Ballgame" sung by Gus Collins, the singing
scorekeeper of
the Pacific Coast League Triple-A Calgary Cannons. 2002 was the last season
for the
Cannons before they moved down south and became the Albuquerque Isotopes.
18.TIMOTHY (Kern)
Written early the same late August morning in 1999 that creditors began to shut the
doors of Eatons, this number presumes to take the exhaulted position of Mr. Eaton
himself as he looks down and survey's the tattered remains of his once mighty
retailing empire. Pappy adds the mandolin solo.
19.PAPPY'S FABULOUS SPORTS WORLD (Morris)
An amalgamation of a number of off-the-cuff Pappy recording moments & song ideas,
this "song" is a journey through the sports-addled mind of Mr. Morris.
Mr. McNall
and Mr. Yashin, please direct any lawsuits to him.
20.THE HERO LEAVES TOWN (Kern)
This instrumental evokes images of dusty sunsets and long, hazy western evenings...
or at least it does for me. Mick's shameless attempt to write film
soundtrack music.
21.GETAWAY (Kern)
This downbeat number features the stellar guitar work of Sara Montgomery.
Beautiful.
Mick had intended for Larisa to sing it, but changed his mind and ended up using
his
rough guide vocal when Larisa went off to some far-flung island to teach English
to
children. Sara envisioned a trumpet on this song, but alas, that is one of
the few
instruments Pappy does not own.
All Paul Morris songs (C) 1999 Paul Morris -
registered with SOCAN
All Mick Kern songs (C) 1999 Mick Kern - registered with SOCAN
song #1 (C) 1963 Mac Beattie
song #4 (C) 1970 Superhype Music Inc. ASCAP
song #12 (C) 1998 Richelle Wilcox
song #13 (C) Mac Beattie
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